I'm dreaming of you [entries|friends|calendar] chokeonbeauty [ website | Pictures And Other Goodies ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

::hey remember me??:: [13 Dec 2005|10:19am] [ mood | bored out of my mind ] [ music | Dane Cook ] im such an ass hole. seriously. Damn it HAS been a while huh? Well I'm actually in the middle of my english final right now but I need a brain break. Hard to believe the semester is over, crazy stuff. Christmas time is here which I am excited about but its kinda hard for it to feel like christmas when its like 75 degrees outside. I recently upgraded my computer for like 500 bucks but now I play some pretty sweet games on that thing. Yeah I'm a geek. I also recently got into snowboarding big time, I just bought a jacket, pants, goggles and now I'm about to buy the Burton Shaun White boot, ooo baby. We are supposed to go up to mountain high on thursday but I need to take my final for my art class so I don't know. I got my hair cut last week and it's pretty short but I like it, the really long hair was starting to bug. Other than that stuff I have just been hanging out with mallory and my friends alot. Mal and I have been together for over a year now, how crazy is that? I remember the first time I wrote about her on here last year and how excited I was to hang out with her. haha ok i'll stop being gay now. Other than THAT crap, I have just been working and doing whatever. Life has been pretty good recently, so hopefully it keeps up. Well I need to finish this fucker so I will post later on or something. Adios. ::jared:: thanks for stopping by live journal community. 4 Bullets In My Heart

hair [21 Sep 2005|10:21am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | Three Evils (Embodied In Love-Coheed And Cambria-In Keeping Secrets Of Silent ] p.s. I want to cut my hair so let me know.. should I cut it alot shorter, not like spiked but shorten up the front and sides and back and stuff or just get a trim and keep it relatively long GIVE ME YOUR OPINIONS because I don't know what I want to do. 2 Bullets In My Heart

::word up from cuyamaca:: [21 Sep 2005|09:18am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | The Suffering-Coheed and Cambria-Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV: Volume 1 - From Fear Through The Eyes of Madness ] +psh yeah + Well im on my notebook in the library on campus, i have an hour and a half before my class so i have a while to sit on the internet and mess around. I'm bored out of my mind right now however my laptop is worth it's weight in gold. I love this thing. I only owe my mom like 875$ more..haha yeah real close huh. Anyways I have alot of pictures to put up, I think I might do that later on today. I have to write a paper for my english class later on so I might just do that so you guys can see what my life has amounted to in the past few months. I am kicking ass, taking names and punching babies in school though. it's good. I made $48 in tips lastnight so that was cool, too bad thats what I spent on gas. Fucking pathetic. I think I'm going to buy the new coheed and cambria cd today, I have heard a few songs off it and it sounds pretty fucking sweet I must say. I might buy the older one too, or if you have In Keeping Secrets Of Silent Earth 3, let me know and SEND IT TO ME. Anyways thats pretty much what my life has been recently. I have been spending time with mallory alot and me and Jared Gase have been putting ideas together to make a film of some sort, because I have a bunch of editing software on here and he just bought a $1600 video camera, it is fucking sweet. its a pro camera. So yeah, anyways im gonna surf the web for a while and what not, peace out kids. :;Jared:: listen well, will you marry me? (not now boy) and are you wearing the suffering? (you've been) the most gracious of hosts you may be invited girl, but you're not coming in In My Heart

::awesome:: [16 Sep 2005|10:54pm] [ mood | awake ] [ music | I Will Follow You Into The Dar-Death Cab For Cutie-Plans ] deathcab for cutie is the best fucking band on the face of this planet. if you try to argue that, you will obviously lose. sleep time. goodnight. 1 Bullet In My Heart

::Longtime No Post:: [09 Sep 2005|01:01am] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Silverstein ] +haha hi again + Guess who's back? yeah me. Sorry about this summer, i got busy and lazy but I am going to try and be better about updating this thing with my lame life and all of its happenings. Well I am officially updating from my new sexy powerbook g4. i love this thing. I got a 100gig hard drive put in it and i got a new printer and apple care plan and the whole fucking thing. Plus i saved about 1000 dollars when it came to software, hehe. But yeah school has been in for about 3 weeks and it has been good, my teachers are pretty rad for the most part. Otherwise I have just been working alot and hanging out with friends and my lovely girlfriend. Life has been not too bad recently so I can't complain really. mmm Today was pretty good, I went to class this morning at 8 then got out 11 and went to mals and hung out for a bit. We hung out then went to fashion valley then came home and I took a nap then her and my whole family went to islands for dinner. it was goooood. she just left not too long ago and now here I am. Well im gonna go finish putting all my music on here. only a few more to go, yee haw. I have ALOT of pictures so stay tuned for those, I might get ambitious and put all of them up. adios. ::adios:: ::jared:: tie me up with sheets and hang me from your tree ill stay out here all night it doesnt even matter as long as i can see into your room and feel like im inside your life i'll follow you forever... In My Heart

[20 Aug 2005|01:10am] [ mood | sad ] promises are just words unless they are fulfilled In My Heart

::wee:: [19 Aug 2005|03:25am] [ mood | disliking the president alot ] [ music | nada ] +i am so lazy, jesus christ. + Ok i barely update this thing mostly because im either A) gone or B) too lazy. but life has been good, im sure ill update more during the school year like at school and stuff like i used to everyday. wee. mm but life is good, just work and everything in between. When i dont work i just hang out at home and go see mal on her breaks at work. im still saving my money for a powerbook, i want one so bad. mm mmm. today all i did was look at political websites and well further my dislike for our commander in chief, thats right, that village idiot, george dubya. I figured i dont have anything else to post on here so i might as well post my thoughts since i have the outlet to do so. i have never seen a bigger idiot in my life, and more over how pretty much america is just going for this pointless war over oil, that's right, NOT terror. i guess the average american is just uninformed about this stuff or just doesn't care or something but it's kind of sad that religion takes a higher roll than the safety of our sons and daughters. not like he would really give a rats ass though, he was a draft dodger in the 1970's but now since his daddy got him a presidency, it's all out to try and finish what his moron father did before him. HOORAY AMERICA. p.s. this isnt me saying i hate america, just the leader of it. so no i'm not going to move out of it but rather bitch moan and complain about who is running it as long as he is as uneducated and as much of a puppet as george bush is. so if anyone is going to try and give me some ration of crap about how the war needs to be fought, or how great of a president he is, you're wasting you're time. the end of my political campaign. Mmm anyways yeah life has been alright, just hanging out, going gambling here and there and what not. Hanging out with my lovely girlfriend and that has been life really. Anywho im going to go to bed. ill post some new pics soon. peace out. 2 Bullets In My Heart

::this november swallows me whole:: [01 Aug 2005|02:15am] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | new silverstein is gooooooooood ] + ugh gambling is bad sometimes. I lost some dinero tonight but oh well I guess, I got to spend a nice evening with close friends so it's all good. It was fun hanging out with will, jamie, mal, jess, chaz and jared. Not too much new in the recent weeks, I'm trying to save my money to buy an ibook, yeah I changed from a powerbook. I realized I don't need a powerbook really because all I'm going to use it for is like music, movies, and school crap and internet stuff and probably some graphics here and there so I think an Ibook will cut it. plus im sick of this piece of shit. i'm pretty much sick of windows. oh well. I have been thinking alot lately, just random things I guess. I have decided that organized religion, well some anyways, seem like cults to me. call it ignorant, agnostic or whatever but i'm sorry thats how it comes off these days. Like Jamie said when we were talking earlier, I don't think it is the religion itself that makes it unappealiing, I think it is the people around it. go figure. i'll probably get back into that when i'm older but right now thats not where its at homies. i just live day to day. anyways im hungry and i want to go to sleep so goodnight. and if you want to...give me money. i dont know where that came from. i'm tired. NIGHT. ::jared:: pretend its not forever I’ll pull myself together I’ll save it, I’ll forget her, I’ll breathe.... and I’ll say she never hurt me and look at it as learning and laugh about the good and the bad because I will live forever we don’t belong together I know I’ll be the better. one day I will make it through. 2 Bullets In My Heart

::i'm losing myself:: [20 Jul 2005|12:59am] [ mood | terrible ] [ music | deathcab ] +hi + well sometimes everything just feels like the world wants to cave in on me and kill me. today was one of those days. Today I had to more or less resign or well..quit my band. that was like putting a knife in my chest. They are getting a studio and need a deposit and 100 bucks a month for payments and i can't since I have to help pay for my schoolin' now. I felt like I lost my heart. That has been the one constant thing in my life I have had to fall back on since before I started highschool, besides well James and my family, and sometimes it didn't even feel like my family. it really sucks when life sets in I guess. Things could be better right now but on the brightside I am getting more hours at work so I will be making some more money so I can save it. yee haw. i just feel down right now because of this and other odds and ends. oh well. can't win em' all huh. have a good night. i'll be up for a while. ::jared:: the sharper the edge,the cleaner the wound so i'll be keeping it dull tonight,for i deserve to hurt disfigure the outside to show how ruined i am there's no pain and no pleasure when you're too numb to feel 1 Bullet In My Heart

::wee:: [06 Jul 2005|10:13am] [ mood | bored ] [ music | FOB ] Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band: FALL OUT BOY Are you female or male: you're a concrete boy now (do your part to save the scene and stop going to shows) Describe yourself: my heart is the worst kind of weapon How do some people feel about you: champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends How do you feel about yourself: calm before the storm Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: sugar we're going down Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend: XO Describe where you want to be: 7 minutes in heaven Describe what you want to be: the patron saint of liars and fakes Describe how you live: a little less "sixteen candles", a little more "touch me" Describe how you love: It's not a side effect of the cocaine i'm taking, it must be love Share a few words of wisdom: i've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth 1 Bullet In My Heart

::to hear you tell me "boys like you try too hard":: [06 Jul 2005|01:01am] [ mood | i need to crap ] [ music | FOB ] + howdy + Word up. So here's the deal now-a-days. I'm nineteen as of monday and it doesn't feel any different. James, Jamie, Kyle, Jared, Dianne, Mallory and her friend Samantha came over to hang out with me and my familia. Will didn't come or call me, guess he wrote me off. oh well. I am hungry alot of the time, must be getting fatter. I fart alot lately too, attractive..I know. Tour is very shakey right now, so we might not be going and we might be...so it's not sure yet however james put in for our time off just in case. Work has been lame and slow and tips blow ass. Tomorrow I'm going to barona with my family and i'm going to gamble my ass off..all 20 of it. oh well. Life has just been life I guess, playing guitar and messing with my computer when I have down time. Been with mallory for 7 months now, that is crazy how fast time flies. I remember when I first mentioned when I met her, on good ol LJ. but I'm a lucky guy to have her in my life and I love her more than she will know. Well sorry for the mush but oh well. MMM but yeah summer is good, I need my camera charger god dammit. AHHH. oh well. well i'm tired. goodnight. ::jared:: i'm all ears and i'm all scars to hear you tell me "boys like you try too hard" to look not quite as desperate i'm hanging on but i still know the way to make your makeup run 1 Bullet In My Heart

[27 Jun 2005|02:03am] let's play this game called "when you catch fire" I wouldn't piss to put you out stop burning bridges and drive off of them so I can forget about you so bury me in memory his smile is your rope so wrap it tight around your throat 2 Bullets In My Heart

::trading in "I love you"'s for "I'm sorry"'s:: [19 Jun 2005|12:31am] [ mood | sad ] [ music | fall out boy ] + sending postcards from a plane crash, wish you were here. + hey long time no post. just been busy and this slips my mind I guess. Well summer is here and things are alright, I feel a little off right now but that's usual for me I guess. Prom was a while ago but it was fun then last week mallory graduated so that was fun too, just alot of stuff to keep me busy I suppose. I haven't been working too much since I have had to take all this time off for prom, graduation and other various things but my schedule should be back on track next week. hooray. My parents have been out of town for the whole weekend which has been nice, just hanging out with mallory and james and stuff. It's been relaxing but the house feels lonely with everyone gone. I got a new cell phone and switched to sprint which is pretty cool and my birthday is coming up but its just another year older, I'm not expecting anything huge. I'm sure most people have plans anyways since its a huge holiday so I'll probably just go see some fireworks or something with my family, I don't know. Anyways I'm not much in the mood to write in this thing right now so, I dunno just not feeling too hot. well here are some pics from prom and stuff.. ( stuff ) enjoy. good night. ::jared:: please let me know that my one bad day will end 1 Bullet In My Heart

::oh yeah you caught me, but I caught you on worse:: [12 Jun 2005|10:25am] [ mood | upset ] [ music | nothing ] + just a thought + right now everything just feels completely lame. School is out yeah, but i dunno. I guess I just kind of stressed out and I feel like I don't have anyone to really talk to it about or fall back on right now, I dunno. It's a weird feeling. Or like what I talk to a select few people I feel like I'm just bothering them or they are just uninterested in talking to me, maybe I'm way off but I dunno it is just the vibe I have been getting. Sometimes I feel like I just put out more than I get in return, and that is fine because I'm not a selfish person but sometimes I guess it feels like people just forget about me sometimes, and that I would do anything for a few people and go to any length to make them happy no matter if it was something I wanted to do or not but when it comes down to it they wouldn't do the same for me and seeing that kind of sucks. wow that was the longest sentence in the history of sentences. ha. I dunno, I just wish I could rewind sometimes i guess. I'm not sure what I mean so if you don't get it, don't feel bad. I guess it's just kind of a personal deal. Oh well, just gotta suck it up. It's kinda funny that my only outlet these days is this thing but hey atleast it's some type of medium to clear my head. I'll just end up keeping this stuff to myself as it is so I dunno why I post it on here, probably just to get my thoughts out and not having someone get mad at me or something. who knows. anways I have to go to work. yay. bye. ::jared:: Starving searching this barren wasteland Trying to grasp being this alone Pleading for a breath of fresh air, someone's standing on my chest Dying I'm asphyxiating myself Break myself slave to my weakness choke on my words Oh I'm drowning and I feel so alone The lights are on and I wish I was home My lips are screaming pretty nothings My ears are bleeding for want of words, fuck words I need actions Hope has left me fucking shattered Someone's standing on my chest Alone would be a pleasant change from here How do you gauge loneliness how you ever felt so alone It feels like the light will never reach me here, I am choking back my longing for shed tears So strangulated by my lonesome fears plead don't worry too much, it only hurts when I breathe 2 Bullets In My Heart

[02 Jun 2005|11:40am] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | funeral for a friend- street car ] +howdy + the past week has been alright. I am completely done with school which is good. Just been working and hanging out like good people do during the summer. I got my tux for prom yesterday and it looks prettttty sweet I'd say. I'm tired but I can't sleep, I didn't go to bed until 2:30 lastnight and I woke up early this morning.  Eh guess just thinking about stuff, oh well.  Well prom is this weekend and it should be fun for shizzle. everything is taken care of which is good news. i'm bored out of my mind right now so I did this thing. ( I can't feel the same about you anymore ) hope you enjoyed that. it took an hour out of my life. hooray. well im going to go walk my dog then take a shower and lay around because I have nothing to do. YAHOO. adios. ::jared:: It's words you forget To anniversary songs. The bottles bite back. Your tolerance wrong. Your good intentions count for little anymore. If you're sorry, Why wage war? Im not fully convinced, There's something wrong with this. Could another point of view, Biased and untrue, Tear me, away from you? Will you be my Valentine, If I'm a world away? Apologies are breaking me. Constants aren't so constant anymore. In My Heart

::the ghost of you:: [25 May 2005|02:15pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | latenight trackside ] +yo + Hey kids.  Well today was pretty fun, we played at West Hills High School ASB Convention, it was definately a fun time.  Thanks to everyone that helped set stuff up and watched us and supported us, we all really appreciate it.  I was excessively tired today, I went to bed at 12:30 and got up at 6 so I was a little bushed then I had to get pumped and energetic for giving off what little stage presence we had, so I moved around and rocked out without tripping over my own chords and shit.  I wish Mallory was out there in the crowd so she could have seen us but she was tired or something so she went home which kinda sucked she wasn't there but she's had a tiring week I guess. oh well. maybe next time.  : /. We played one of our newer songs called "Dress Down Waltz" and that is by far my favorite song.  It is so incredibly fun to play, it's awesome.  I hope you guys can hear it some time.  Anyways after all that I loaded up my stuff, forgot my bass then dropped by mals until she went to work.  Afterwords I came here and just sat around, I'm kind of melancholy right now, i dunno.  Tomorrow I have my last final then I'm free for the summer, hooray.  I worked lastnight and made 50 bucks, sweeeeet bro.  Well I guess that is everything, not much else I suppose.  But today was fun and I am tired so I'm going to take a nap. later. ::Jared:: I’ll trust you to light the way As we walk through this door Impress me with the way You know you make me shine Maybe some other day, in some other life time Waiting, always waiting (for you) So wear your worn out shoes and throw your hair up Cause your always beautiful This is the dress down waltz so throw your arms around me Oh, you leave me speechless, but we don’t need words to say But anyway, let the song go… In My Heart

::well there's the rub:: [23 May 2005|10:20am] [ mood | freakin sick bitches ] [ music | funeral for a friend- streetcar ] + holla + Well life has substantially gotten better since my last post. Since then my grandpa has gotten out of the hospital and things aren't s bad. He is regaining his strength and stuff but he is doing alot better. I'm so entirely smooth, I came to my final 30 minutes late, I thought it started at 9:30, woopsie. Oh well I still beat it's ass in 20 minutes and got an A on my animations so hooray. Class is over and I'm just sitting around, borriinngg. Today we have band practice at 4:30 because we have to play at westhills on wednesday for some thingy muh bobber. like a convention or something, I dunno but it will be fun. I have been extremely sick over the past week and a half, I missed alot of work cuz well I have been coughing and hacking and sneezing all over everything. Mallory got me sick cuz she had it before me and I was taking care of her, so I pretty much knew I would get sick in the process but oh well. I'm getting better. I have a history final in 2 hours then I have my math final tomorrow which I hopefully pass and then my english final on thursday and then I am done with this semester. I got my tux yesterday for Westhills' prom in two weeks, it's pretty dope. Its all black with a white vest and a white tie. So everything for prom is officially done in my book now, yahoooo. ok well that is all for now. ::Jared:: so goodbye to you and your life your new bestfriends your confidence and i'll be here when you get home sitting halfway away from nowhere praying for our lips to touch In My Heart

::I'll lie to myself to keep going:: [12 May 2005|09:07am] [ mood | angry ] [ music | Atreyu (bad moods call for hardcore) ] + god help me, I'm so tired and in my dreams the wolves eat out my soul god help me, i'm so tired and in my dreams, the wolves tear out my heart + that little song lyric fits me real well right now. tgfa (thank god for atreyu), in the past few days, that has been my only means of feeling better. I would like to post everything has flipped around 108 degrees and everything is back to normal BUT no such luck. Yesterday I didn't feel like going to my second class to I came home and hung out for a while. I played San Andreas with Daniel then Mallory came over later on, we ended up going back to her house for dinner and her step mom made us burritos which is pretty flippin sweet. I hung out there until 10 then I came home and did some homework then talked to james then went to bed around 12 or so. I dunno if we are supposed to practice or not today, no one has told me anything yet so we will see. The good news is we have gotten alot of hits on myspace and purevolume since our music has been up for the past 2 days which is awesome. We might be playing a show on the 27th in rancho penasquitos with our friends from the 25th hour and some other bands. I will let you know if it is a for sure thing, we have to see if Jamie can be off that day. + Ok well I have to go take a math test now then I'm going to go home then take a nap THEN I think go hit up the hospital to see my gramps then go see mal on her break soooo bye. ::Jared:: what do i have to do or who do i have to kill to get what i want In My Heart

::take this blade to my wrist, help me end what makes you ugly:: [11 May 2005|10:45am] [ mood | crushed from everything ] [ music | Latenight Trackside- Our Demo ] + fuck + It is amazing in the span of 72 hours how it feels like everything just falls apart right in front of me. Since my post on monday, my grandpa was admitted to the hospital. my mom took him to the doctor because he was having trouble breathing, the doctor immediately put him in the E.R. His lungs were filled with fluid, they thought it was pneumonia initially but after a bunch of tests, they saw he had a heart attack and he apparently didn't know it. It wasn't mild either, it was a major one so there is alot of swelling around his heart, all the fluid from the heart attack was emptying into his lungs thus causing his breathing difficulty. So he will be there atleast for the next 4 or 5 days, they found out he will probably need a pacemaker because his heart is beating at 35 bpm and it needs to be 70bpm. I really hope he is going to be alright, he has been the only dad i have had for most of my life, I love him so much. I just kinda lost my grip on everything lastnight and got a little misty, it's not like me to actually cry but I don't know, with this thing with my grandpa and a few other things I just lost my grip. The only person I really talked about it to was James, and well I felt a little better afterwords. I talked to him and megan for a while lastnight, in the midst of all of this crap but I felt better after. sort of. I still feel aweful though. The only good news from the past 3 days is our demo is finally done so everyone check us out on myspace and purevolume. www.myspace.com/latenighttrackside www.purevolume.com/latenighttrackside take a listen to em. tell your friends. relatives. family. cat. dog. birds. everyone. I hope today is a better than the past few have been, I skipped work yesterday because I went to the hospital to see my grandpa. I hate seeing him like that but the good part of it is he isn't in any pain or anything. The doctor said we saved his life by taking him in though, he wouldn't have lived another week if we hadn't. And that alone almost brings me to tears, ugh I hate being like this. I'm not ever like this. I just feel extremely, i dunno what the word is, alone, empty, i dunno maybe not. I need to do my math homework. It just feels like everything is just falling down around me. my grandparents bicker all the time. so do my parents. i dunno, everything just sucks right now. everything feels wrong now. all this sadness is turning into anger very quickly. i wish i had someone or something to take it out on. i hope it changes. if you believe in god, pray for my grandpa. if you don't, hope for him. please. bye. ::Jared:: Light up this cigarette Tonight I will sleep with a gun in my mouth Good night my love 1 Bullet In My Heart

::we do it for the scars and stories, not for the fame:: [09 May 2005|09:46am] [ mood | thinking alot ] [ music | Anadivine- Yes Sir, Mr. Machine ] + we're the chemists who found the formula to make your heart swell and burst + ahh I'm tired like usual. This past week has been a little stressful, school, work, among other things. Oh boy, but I guess I'm doing better. I am in my digital imaging class making a web animation for our tour this summer, this should be fun. Only 2 full weeks of school then finals week then Im done. yeehaw. I hope everyone had a good mother's day, I worked. YES!. Worst day of work ever, a million people and tips sucked, eventhough I DID make more tips than I usually do on a sunday which is cool. I found $5 on the floor which did infact MAKE my day. Right now I'm listening to Bill Engvall's Here's Your Sign Cd on my iPod and laughing profusely. Everyone is looking at me..hehe. As far as today goes I still have my history class to attend then I'm probably going to see mallory. At some point today I need to drop off James' guitar, I figure I will do that around 4 or so. sweet. Ok so I guess our demo SHOULD be done tuesday, we haven't been able to get ahold of Ian for the past few days but I guess Jamie got ahold of him and he said to come in tuesday so finally we will get this beast. yess. That's pretttty cool. Then we have to give it to tim to set up the shows for the tour, and put it on purevolume and our myspace account dealy thing. So that's all good news in those areas fr the most part, just a little stressed out, or was over the weekend but hey I'm coping. And life is moving on, just annoyed I suppose. We went gambling on thursday night and I won 20 buck-a-roos from the $10 black jack table and then I went to play the $1-$9 table and won threre too. I won 5 bucks with my "viejas extreme rewards card" so thats what I played at the low end table. yess, not bad. Anyways I need to get back to work in class, you kids have a good day. adios. ::jared:: I'm sleeping my way out this one with anyone who will lye down In My Heart

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